Quite unintentionally, I came across this page with some of Deida's work
. There is something very true
about this, as it relates to deep sexual attraction:
Each person, every man and woman, has both masculine and feminine within them. Years ago, men were forced by social custom to always play the masculine role and women to play the feminine. This felt suppressive and limited. So, modern-day social custom has evolved to idealize balanced men and women: people who are each supposed to embody both masculine and feminine in a kind of psychological wholeness and relational independence.
Being whole unto oneself is a sign of psychological health. But being able to take the next step, to relinquish your boundaries in order to realize and express something larger than yourself, is a sign of spiritual maturity. To grow beyond mere self-sufficient wholeness, you and your lover can learn to open your boundaries and relinquish sexual autonomy for the sake of two-bodied divine play.
If you are sexually playing the feminine, you want to be swooned by your loverâ€™s unwavering presence, taken beyond all resistance into the overwhelming fullness of love, ravished into bliss. If you are playing the masculine, you want to feel your loverâ€™s trust and be attracted into your loverâ€™s radiant surrender so that you may give yourself utterly in the ravishment of your lover. As your hearts trust, your boundaries are relinquished, and masculine and feminine openâ€”sometimes savagely, sometimes sublimelyâ€”as one conscious light.
But if you cling to psychological wholeness, you wonâ€™t be willing to relinquish your boundaries of self-sufficiency. If you are like many modern women, you have worked hard to establish healthy boundaries and actualize your own direction and purpose; relinquishing your own navigation seems dangerous. Yet, if you have a more feminine sexual essence, this trust and sexual surrender is exactly what your deep heart desires. So, if you want to open in deep sexual play, you can practice trusting your lover to play the masculine while you play the feminine.
Even more difficult is the fact that, today, many women have a more highly developed masculine than their lovers do. You may not want to surrender to your loverâ€™s masculine direction because you donâ€™t trust it. And if your masculine direction is more evolved than your loverâ€™s is, then you shouldnâ€™t surrender to your loverâ€™s masculine. You are better off navigating yourself, following your own sexual lead! But if you do so, donâ€™t expect that your masculine lover will desire you for long.
Would you like to feel your masculine lover desiring and diving into your feminine radiance? Put another way, how attracted would you be if your lover preferred his own radiance to yours? Would it turn you on if he spent more time looking at himself in his dressing room mirror than at you, desiring himself and inspiring himself with his own beauty and shine?
Would that attract you sexually, if your masculine lover were â€œself-sufficiently radiant,â€ so that he enjoyed his own shine more than yours? This is how you feel to him, if you are â€œself-sufficiently directional,â€ trusting your own navigation more than his. Deep down, if you have a feminine sexual essence, then you want him to desire your radiance more than his own, and he wants you to desire his navigation more than your own. That is how the divine wants to make love through your bodies.