A few weeks ago Gary Coleman thankfully died, and with him hopefully some of the insanity that was the 80s went with him.
But I imagine there are a few more 80s icons that need to bite the dust before that really happens, or better yet maybe we need to realize some of the stupidity of that decade!
Coleman got his break appearing on the television sitcom good times...You remember, J J a.k.a. kid DY-NO-MITE!!
The poor black Evans family that lived in the projects on the south side ghetto of Chicago, the Evans family, always looking for a way out of poverty by the means of any harebrained scheme...who could ever forget the episode where Thelma marries a football player...but then he trips over JJ at the ceremony and injures his knee and ends up living with the family in the project...so much for that idea!
It's funny how nobody ever came up with the idea that maybe a better education would lead to a better job and thereby getting out of the ghetto...I guess no one in the Evans family ever paid attention to the United Negro College fund commercials that were virtually broadcast 24 hours a day!
But back to Coleman...yes, he was the cutest little black midget you have ever seen,
now this is where oddity was confused with talent...so the network executives at NBC recognize Coleman's oddity...I'm sorry "talent" and created different strokes, the heartwarming and sometimes hilarious sitcom about a white wealthy man who adopts two black kids from the ghetto...well I guess this was one harebrained scheme that really worked!
It was the perfect game where everybody played and everybody won...two black boys got out of the ghetto with nothing but their bluejeans and you could bet they were cheap knockoffs they bought and paid for with food stamps at the corner clothing store owned by a Korean family, and not only did the rich white guy have the terrific feeling of helping out two black brothers but he also got the bonus of having a cute little black midget to entertain his daughter, housekeeper and whoever else might visit his penthouse!
Yes...different strokes was a bona fide hit!!
And the network executives at ABC were damn well sure they would jump on the bandwagon.
All they needed was to find another cute little black midget...and sure enough they found Emmanuel Lewis, and not only was he a black midget he was cuter and smaller than Coleman...score!!!
And just like Coleman he was to be raised by a rich white family, I mean who else but a wealthy white person would want to have a little black midget?
So now we have different strokes on NBC and Webster on ABC, I'm sure CBS would have killed to get a little black midget of their own, but I guess the little black midget well ran dry.
I remember watching these TV shows and thinking to myself...am I the only one who thinks this is really fucking stupid?
Apparently I was!
Because much of the 80s was not about talent but about oddity, it was not about the narrative but about the catchphrase, it wasn't about how you feel it was about how you look...and darling we looked absolutely marvelous!
The main philosophical question of the time was...do you drink Coke or Pepsi?
The Russians were wrong and we were right, and televangelist scammed fortunes.
And through it all you couldn't watch television without spotting the little black midgets...if Emmanuel Lewis wasn't being carried around by Michael Jackson, Gary Coleman would be in tow by Mr T. oh yeah, remember Mr T. the other 80s oddity who had the temerity to actually argue with network executives because george Peppard received top billing on the A-Team the same george peppard who costarred with Audrey Hepburn in the movie breakfast at Tiffany's and managed not to be totally eclipsed by her...but I guess Mr T's little catchphrase "I pity the fool" trump that.
But such was the 80s...it was a time where common sense just didn't make any sense.
If we weren't asked by a little old woman where's the beef? We were told by another little old woman how to have sex!
The 80s was just a breeder from the turmoil of the 60s and 70s, it was our time to not worry and just be happy!
Case in point...in the 70s we had the Evans family on good times, in the 80s we had the Huxtable family on the Cosby show, just one custom hand knitted sweater worn by Bill Cosby on any given episode was worth more than the Evans family yearly income...how's that for moving on Up!
In the 80s nobody wanted to hear or see anything about politics, environment, economics or racial tensions, it was the time that a successful white person could have a little cute black midget and be damn happy about it!
Yep...the 80s was quite a party it was a 10 year kegger, but just like waking up the next day after a big party you have to deal with a big hangover.
And between the excruciating headache and throwing up you will inevitably be tormented by a spotted and blurry memory of your drunken idiotic antics the night before, as you rest your forehead on the toilet seat the embarrassing memories of the night before will hit you like 12 gauge slugs to your chest, and you will say to yourself why? what the fuck was I thinking?
What made me watch that stupid different strokes show? I can't believe I actually like that little fucking black midget!
And as your hangover subsides and you slowly regained your memory of the night before, you will be haunted by the realization of your most idiotic action.
You will start to remember when you got behind the wheel of your car completely wasted and you will also start to remember how the car coming toward you head on managed to swerve out of the way just in time because you crossed over into his lane.
Just like very few people in this country realize that in 1983 we came the closest to a nuclear holocaust!
That event was brought on by a joint US and NATO war exercise called operation archer able 83...it was so well rehearsed and executed that the leaders of the Soviet Union believed it was a real preemptive strike against them!
Later when then-President Ronald Reagan was told of the incident his response was basically....what you talking about?
But just like any good party, no matter how stupid and idiotic our actions were we could always take solace in knowing...well, at least the music was good.
This is what I'm talking about!
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Re: This is what I'm talking about!
Sux to be Garry Coleman...
http://www.theabsolute.net/phpBB/viewto ... 07#p114007
http://www.theabsolute.net/phpBB/viewto ... 07#p114007
veritas odium parit
