Terrorism

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Elizabeth Isabelle
Posts: 3771
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:35 am

Terrorism

Post by Elizabeth Isabelle » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:31 am

(David, Dan, and Kevin - I apologize for the pictures, but the pictures needed to be with the captions, and I don't know how to set it all up on another page to link to. If you want to, correct it to link the whole thing elsewhere, or tell me how to do so. Thanks)

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The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old “duck and cover” campaigns after WWII.

These pictures are a little ambiguous. Here are a few guesses about what they mean:

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If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

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If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.

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If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the door with your shoulder.

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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

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Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

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The proper way to eliminate anthrax is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand.

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Michael Jackson is a terrorist.

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Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

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Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

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If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

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If your building collapses, cower under a desk like a pansy.

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Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region for 5 minutes and 12 seconds. Warning: you may become sterile.

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After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

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If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

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If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Curl up in the fetal position or run like hell (watch your head).

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If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

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Austin is radioactive, move to Houston.

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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

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If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

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Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

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A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one.
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kowtaaia
Posts: 443
Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2006 12:19 pm
Location: Via Lactea

Post by kowtaaia » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:42 am

Excellent Liz. Very funny.

NLPRN
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:24 pm
Location: California

Post by NLPRN » Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:58 pm

I know it's a cliche to poke fun at government...but sometimes they make it so easy.

I enjoyed those.

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