Post
by MKFaizi » Thu Jul 27, 2006 12:19 pm
AND ANOTHER THING --
I greatly enjoy my children as young adults. Beats hell out of them as two year olds. Two year olds are cute as hell but you can't reason with them and they keep you awake at night. Very demanding of constant attention and protection.
I can actually enjoy being with my kids now that I do not have to change their diapers or feed them by hand or this thing or that thing -- or chase them all over the place or lie on top of them until they fall asleep at three in the morning. No more going to court for stealing my car. No more going to psychiatrists for ADHD. I mean, we have conversations on an equal basis. We have things in common -- similar musical preferences, for instance; similar political opinions; similar senses of the absurd.
I totally support the idea of giving birth to kids when they are about sixteen -- they come out already six feet tall and wearing Grateful Dead t-shirts. No diapers. I greatly enjoy my kids now as completely separate people from me. I just happened to have given birth to them. Beyond that, there is no big connection if we did not want it to be. It is a three way friendship. If we did not like each other, we would not be friends. Plain and simple.
I have not mourned my daughter leaving the house. I have enjoyed it immensely. I do what I want and she does what she wants. We see each other nearly every day. She is welcome to move home anytime she wants but her entire childhood was an act of striving toward independence. She has that now. She was the most miserable being in a baby shape I ever saw. She despised being a baby. All she could do was to lie there and she plainly did not like that one little bit. She is working construction now and has found a niche for being a destroyer. She is doing home renovations and her boss has learned that, given a hammer and a crowbar, Rock can take down just about anything in very little time. Today, she took half hour to destroy a kitchen floor -- torn out completely. Plus the walls.
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. She was standing on a plank above the basement. Warned a dude below she was bringing down the wall. He did not believe her until the whole thing crashed down on him. Dry wall all over him.
I always knew she had it in her. As soon as she could walk, she could destroy anything. Part of the reason she was put on Ritalin -- her destructive nature. Now, she is getting paid for her destruction talent. Loves it. Might want to study demolition. There is a lot of world out there and a lot of it needs to be destroyed.
When my kids were little, I wondered if I could hire them out to a demolition crew. My kids and their several friends. God, they were good. Unfortunately, there are child labor laws.
NOTE -- These things do not make either or both of my kids superior. Superior kids are going to college to become teachers and engineers. Neither of my kids are interested in college. Rock might want to be a nurse but she may want to stick with destruction. Buster wants to be an auto mechanic.
My son has lived with his grandparents for several years now. I see him every day and he does come home for some weekends. He has always been helpful to them but in their eighties, they are pretty dependent on him for much.
I greatly enjoy having relationships with both of my kids as people. I don't give a shit whether or not they remember my birthday or Mother's Day or whether they call me on the phone or whatever. I enjoy my separation from them as much as they enjoy their separation from me.
As long as they let me, I will always be their friend and will give support when needed. But they are not obligated to me in any way. I did them the disfavor of bringing them into this world. They owe me nothing. I owe them.
As for dreaming in color, this is the result of serotonin efficiency. I did not HAVE to take Zoloft for the purpose of dreaming very colorful and entertaining dreams. Not like I sat around and thought, "Gee, I wish I could dream in color." I could not care less whether I dreamed or not.
My first dream that indicated sertonin influx was a dream of great quanities of turquoise water. Very refreshing. Felt like I had been in the desert too long.
You are fortunate if you are not clinically depressed. I would like to be in your position. I would like very much not to take Zoloft or any other drug. I work toward that.
My reality is not more distorted than yours. Presumably, you do not have a shortage of serotonin or other chemicals; and, for your sake, I hope that you never do.
Because I take a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, I do not physically suffer from the lack -- same as yourself. Because my serotonin is conserved through pharmacological intervention whereas you are fortunate enough to produce and use sufficient amounts of serotonin, should I -- David Hodges -- be deprived in the same way that someone with MS might be denied Baclofen to help with spasms?
Why should I -- anyone who has major depression -- not have the chance to live less than you have the chance to live?
If you never have clinical depression but do have hypertension, will taking a beta blocker to save your life change your personality? If your wife or daughter is Rh negative and must take a shot in order to carry a baby to term, will the taking of that shot change your wife's or daughter's personality?
Zoloft has not changed my personality. I am still clinically depressed. Nothing is going to change that. It is a fact. Off the medication, however, I could disintegrate to the point of suicide or catatonia.
I like living. I do not want to die. I do not want to be chemically driven to suicide or a depressive catatonia due to something that is not efficiently secreted in my brain.
Nietzsche died young and went "mad" long before he died. Weininger committed suicide. Kierkegaard apparently died at a young age due to a head injury suffered as a child.
Had there been method to avert Nietzsche from madness without altering him, would that be a negative thing? What if Kiergaard could have been treated for his head injury that killed him? What if Weininger could have matured?
I am attached to life and sanity. Presumably, you are also attached to life and sanity. Why is my attachment to life and sanity less than yours because I take Zoloft for treatment of major depression?
Given your chemical superiority, would you prefer the likes of me to be found dead at the bottom of some stairs or dead in a shed?
Are you Christian Scientist or a Scientologist?
Faizi