Jason wrote:Kelly there is a pressing issue at hand, that I think you need to get to the bottom of. Other forum members may have also noticed this. I've been examining your posts to this "Porn" thread, and I've found some astounding and somewhat disturbing things in your writings.
Ah, hah! Good on you, Jason. I applaud.
Don't be disturbed by finding symbols of my sexual desire in my writings, it's inevitable. I'm aware of it, mostly. I couldn't point out in others what I hadn't investigated, and considered it worthwhile to "attack".
Of course, it makes me uncomfortable, so I'm trying to keep that in mind, since others may find it terrifying. I'll
try to give others a bit of breathing space, so they can reflect more "safely".
For myself, I can't help pushing in this direction as it's really important to learn how to become crystal-clear about how the ego fights consciousness. I don't mind admitting my faults openly. Or rather, I aim to be wise about how to deal with them.
(I'm really shaking in my shoes, but hey, it has to be developing my character.)
It is very interesting that you chose to use the word "solenoid" as an example of a word your mind associates with the name "Solway". A solenoid is an electrical device with a phallic-like metal rod. The metal rod extends out when electricity is applied. Very much like a penis going from the flaccid to erect state. Being a metallic rod, it resembles a robotic penis, which is interesting considering you used the term "robotic mind" in this thread for someone whose mind you admire. This obviously suggests repressed sexual desire for the robotically-minded(as you see him) Kevin Solway.
Close, but you got there by speculating that I actually knew what a solenoid is.
I visited Kevin a year ago, and idly flicked through a car manual lying on the ground. A word jumped out - I recall it as solanoid - which is like "Solway". That's all. It looked like a spark-plug. I didn't remember the other information. It also reminds me of "schizoid", which relates to Kevin as well, as it turned up in that Personality Disorders thread he started, over a year ago.
So, I associate it with Kevin because of the circumstance of first encountering the word.
As for sexual desire for a robotic mind, that's close enough, in the sense of the erotic love for the masculine mind. It's not hard to see how that would be the case in any feminine mind.
It's something any person would have to deal with, whether male or female. Once a person finds the "genius" of one's own mind, and identifies oneself as consciousness, it's possible to re-embody objects of sexual desire - whatever they are named, and however they are symbolised - into an object of intellectual desire. Namely, to think logically.
It's just a step of homing in on what the symbol really means, and "seeing" it conceptually.
So, I really did mean that the sexual-desirer operates in a theatre of dreams. When the mind is really altering, and the genius is forming, the theatre becomes a realm of abstractions.
This is great stuff, I rate it 70% poison.
You also gave the examples of "rowdy" and "Gone with the Wind" as words associated in your mind with "Rowden" and "Quinn."
No, "Gone with the Wind" links to Rhett Butler, ie. Rhett Hamilton, particularly because Rhett's mother named him after that character. Says quite a lot about her.
According to you Dan Rowden is not a superior, which means he represents the less idealized and romantic forms of sex, therefore the "rowdy" link, as in rough or forced sex.
Remember that "benefactor, superior, and enemy" are in relation to the spiritual path, not the path of getting laid. That is, these are models to help the ego's habits to die out.
A benefactor is rather more motherly, as there is too much false compassion. This fits what I know of Dan Rowden, not to say he isn't rigorous with his judgment.
Whereas you say David Quinn is increasingly a superior, which is why you associate his name with idealized romantic sex as portrayed in "Gone with the Wind." This again obviously suggests repressed sexual desire for both Dan Rowden and David Quinn.
As mentioned above, Mitchell's book has to do with Rhett Hamilton. It's a sloppy comedy, and has utterly nothing to do with spiritual superiority.
A spiritual superior (not the models, but the actual abstraction) is terrifying, as they have no egotistical reactions to things, and therefore can move in the symbolic world without aversion or desire, confusion or forgetfulness. Their ability to teach is quite incredible, much like a programmer who sees which commands, their order, and their interrelationships, are applicable in certain situations, and can weave the program together virtually without the "output" having any consciousness of the logic behind it. It's really saddening to have to do this, as the "output" needs so much spoon-feeding to get anywhere.
I'm getting better at this, and my models are becoming part of my own commands vocabulary.
Also, I'm not ashamed of repressing sexual desire. I'd be ashamed of suppressing it, and pretending it doesn't exist. I do struggle with it, and anyone who is seriously interested in becoming as wise as possible, will do so.
There's no shame in experiencing all these kinds of subconscious lusts - which is what they are. It's human karma - the biological and the psychological in one package. So, psychoanalysis, wisely done, can be a helpful tool.
The mind has to gel the concepts together, and understand the delusion that causes it all. It's all about the ego wanting to get itself together, and searching for ways to be permanent - which has to be dropped.
Kelly: It is my mind organising a deus ex macchina, which is what I've subconsciously spent the previous day desiring, in the form of a "white knight".
Typically (I don't experience these very often, but they are quite startling), the sexual fantasy will be a few seconds of being held. There's actually no sex as such. It is really a terrible experience for me, and often makes me feel like crying when waking up. I feel like a criminal, because I've given up my self to *another person*.
Jason: Here you speak about your sexual fantasies involving a "white knight", and by no chance, the picture you have chosen for your avatar is a sword. As you are well aware, Kevin, David and Dan all have large beards, which is a characteristic of the archetypal knight. This obviously suggests that you are trying to seduce your "white knights" aka Kevin, David and Dan, by displaying a sword, in order to draw them closer to you. The sword itself also has strong phallic symbolism, likely symbolising you holding their penis. As with the rod on the solenoid, the sword is a metallic phallic object, which further strengthens the link with the "robotic" minds of QSR.
That's very good! Thanks. You've made me blush, and that doesn't happen often.
Ok, so what do I do now? Extract the deepest, most valuable meaning. Alter my karma *consciously*. Since I deliberately chose the sword to represent the discriminating mind of reason, and judgment, I return to that symbol, and employ it. Thus, I have created my own "white knight", or "deus ex macchina".
Now, your point was that I'm trying to attract knights to assist: and indeed, I did. I just don't have a beard, yet. You suggest I'm trying to hold their penis - symbol of masculinity. Yes, I'm doing that too, holding to reason.
Indeed, the robotic mind is the model that comes to mind: which is what my thoughts are increasingly emulating. So, I am actually being born as that existence that I wish to attract.
The next step is to use the *meaning* of the symbol, and discard the attachment to it, by applying reasoning to itself. This means, the intellectual love for the object fades by applying it purposefully.
Since the robot's purpose is to become fully enlightened, (and by holding onto its masculine strength), it recalls what enlightenment means, and reasons that the sword, the robot, and all the other desired symbols, are not inherently existing.
End of story.
Kelly: Hi, jouster at unconsciousness! Drive the lance deeply, all the way to the other side!
Jason: This basically speaks for itself. More symbolism and imagery of metal phallic symbols and penetration. A slight addition here in your use of "deeply" and "all the way to the other side", which gives us an idea of the sheer intensity of your repressed sexual desire for QSR.
Go higher (or deeper): find the core of all the branches, by assembling all the categories.
Since QSR symbolise enlightenment (to me), desire for them must mean desire for enlightenment. That's all my values will allow for, anyway. Thus, any sexual desires, being in conflict with higher values, have to be converted into a sheer obsession with enlightenment.
If that has a sexual element to it, then I can use it, but be wary of it, because it is backwards-looking at heart.
The analogy of the jouster is delusional, of course. But just those kinds of analogies are what *spur* the ego onwards. Spiritual literature is full of them, from crossing the shore, to stepping into a bottomless well, struggling to break free of a cocoon, discarding a boat, riding a bull, standing on one's own feet, swinging one's arms while walking, entering the gateless gate, playing the role of a woman, and so on.
There's no problem with using sexual symbols, as long as one recognises their meanings, and struggles to keep one's wit "finely poised" (there's another!)
Kelly: Look at the images of the penis stuffed into a vagina: and see how closely related it is to images where it's stuffing the mouth. The penis is an entity imagined to choke a "I-can-tear-down-anyone-with-a-mere-snotty-look" female, to prevent her from having any threatening come-back; or something that can spit out a bodiless slime, to indicate that female isn't even worth one's effort to form hateful words.
The above quote is a direct reply to the points in one of my posts.
I remember everything quite clearly.
I am the only poster on this thread to actually talk about having a penis and wanting to put it into a vagina. This implies that what you wrote above is symbolic in your mind of your interaction with me, but transposed into a sexualized form.
No, I looked at the pictures on Oborden's website purely in the context of females and males having sex. You didn't come to mind.
You are represented by the "I-can-tear-down-anyone-with-a-mere-snotty-look female", and I am the man with the penis, who you feel is stuffing your mouth which is muting and choking you.
No, not really. The truthful reply is that I do experience snotty feelings, and haughtiness, but it's not as strong as you might think. However, I *am* competitive and arrogant, like any person who's desperately struggling to get the better of egotistical habits. I try to keep it in check, but don't always succeed. I'm aware of not spending enough time reasoning carefully, and of tending to be too intuitive (as I challenged Marsha about, since I don't value it).
In dealing with illogical posts that have a long life, my intuition interprets them as strong, and suffocating. (Recently I wrote to Leyla that she was "pushing my values out of her mind"). As you might guess, there are a lot of them. I write to four philosophy fora, and often experience the fleeting thought of being choked.
It is much like Nietzsche's description of being surprised by some devil lying in the grass, and instinctively laying about it with a stick! Or falling down in dread, when a "Higher Man" turns up. It's all subconscious matters of the ego.
The QSR with their robotic penises allow you to talk without obstruction, but I, with my flesh and blood penis obstruct you. You realize that you are not even worth the effort on my part to form hateful words.
No, you switched the objects in the story. The man spews out bodiless slime. Or, I suppose, since Oborden site had lots of semen all over the place, it wouldn't matter who was spewing it out.
I see this happening alot on fora where masculine types (aggressive, anyway) attack on the mere insinuation that they are irrational. They spew out bucketloads of nonsense, as if that would make the "haughty witch" (me, or anyone challenging them) go away.
As for this discussion, even if I were haughty, or on the other hand, spewing nonsense at you, I would soon be pulled up by my thoughts. This happens frequently, when there is an illogical thought (unacceptably gross signs of imperfection) and I instinctively go to type it - then have to pull back when thoughts judge it as incorrect.
So, although it is a useful analogy, it doesn't truthfully fit.
I've spent quite a long time discussing, very openly, my thoughts about sexual desire with everyone on this thread. That may be seen as spewing bile - in a Hakuinesque fashion.
I've been quite gentle, and careful, although others may not believe it. The fact that I keep pushing my reasoning to perform as accurately as possible, means that the ego is being edged out.
So, I think it is acceptable to write and publish it.
Kelly: If I ever experience orgasm, it's never to do with sex, but occurs in deep dreams, in the form of an irrational conclusion. The orgasms don't occur through masturbation but through the subconscious.
Jason: Here there is a glimmer of insight into your own condition. You have managed to realize at least partly, that you are supressing your sexual desires, and forcing them into the subconscious, thus that is where your orgasms come from. What you still haven't consciously recognized is that Kevin, David and Dan are the white knights in your subconscious.
No, you're going backwards. I've answered the second point about suppression, and in earlier posts about the need to be conscious about the nature of desire.
My condition is simply egotism. Sexual desires are the same for everyone, it's just that in my case, they're "moving upstairs" all the time, becoming more conscious, to use Kierkegaard's analogy of the self as a four-storey house. Thus, after a while, I won't have orgasms.
As for your last point, when all the sexual desire is *resolved* abstractly, and my mind is wholesome and rational, I'll be on par with any model. This is an awesomely arrogant thing to say for a female, and I realise that, but by ----, why not aim for the impossible!
The conclusion from all these insights, is that a considerable part of your reason for being on Genius Forum, and interacting with QSR in particular, is sexual. Bubbling just under the surface of your conscious mind and the posts you make here, is the seduction of QSR, and your wish for them to sexually "take you."
Good work!
That's in fact what the ego does desire: to be spirited away into unconsciousness. No doubt at all. What can I say? It's true.
This will let millions of existences all over Reality know that in the heart of all women is the liar and seducer. In this way, many will remember this for "endless kalpas".
The hard work is: she must recognise it, and can only do so by relying on reason. Automatically, this puts the egotistical heart at odds with itself.
And thus, there is a possibility of redemption.
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Thanks, Jason, you're probably not aware of how many beings you've helped orient towards freedom - all the ones in the future.....
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