Dreaming about the perfect woman

[Kelly Jones]

She is quiet, reflective, kindly, with clear eyes and a warm smile. She has some faint crinkles around the edges of her eyes, particularly when she smiles. Whenever you meet her, she is glad to see you - she'll happily give you a hug, put her hand gently and solidly on your arm, and pronounce something joyful and affirmative about you. For instance, she might focus on your choice of clothes, or some other unique aspect of your individuality, as a way of making you aware that she likes you. She is always positive and kind, and soft in her choice of words.

If you are depressed, annoyed, tired, or cross, she'll take you to a quiet space and sit down with you. She encourages you to talk about it, and stays silently listening. She doesn't like you to be bleak or pessimistic, or grumpy. When you off-load your pain or grumpiness, she will make small noises of encouragement or consolation, reminding you she really likes you and wants you to feel understood and safe in her company.

If there's anything she can do to make you feel comfortable, and take away any spikey, harsh, cutting edges, she'll do it. A cup of tea, a healthy sandwich, anything you like, and she will do her best to provide.

She hates harsh words, loudness, pain, arguments, difficulties, or complexities. All that stuff makes life too hard, and all that seems utterly unnecessary to have a high quality of life. She prefers things to be honest, straightforward, simple and clear - so she encourages you to forget about any difficulties. She wants life to be easy, fun, enjoyable, simple, and natural.

She loves most when you're relaxed, or happy - when you're inspired and floating and simple-minded. She wants you to be happy, and that is what makes her happy. She doesn't want you to focus so much on her, but only for you to be happy, because that is what makes her happy. If your passion is something challenging and difficult, but exciting, she'll encourage you to go for it, and indulge in that - so long as you come back relaxed and ready to float with her. She'll even play with you at that challenging game, but only to the level where she feels you are enjoying it together. So she discourages you from trying to compete with her genuinely, and reminds you gently that she is only participating because she wants to share time with you - to be with you and make you happy.

If you ask her to be something substantial and individual, independent and concrete in herself, with differing opinions, someone who does not care for you or any of your interests, or your welfare, the magic will die. The perfect woman is all about you.


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[skipair]

Hi Kelly, I'm trying to figure out if this is your lesbian fantasy or if you are just saying this in general. Anyway, here are my comments from where I am:

She is quiet, reflective, kindly, with clear eyes and a warm smile.

Kind is a must, reflective is great, but it's also nice to hear a woman talk. The bubbling flow relaxes me, so long as it reflects a good self-image.

She has some faint crinkles around the edges of her eyes, particularly when she smiles.

This makes her sound older than 24, which I'm not as excited about.

Whenever you meet her, she is glad to see you - she'll happily give you a hug, put her hand gently and solidly on your arm, and pronounce something joyful and affirmative about you. For instance, she might focus on your choice of clothes, or some other unique aspect of your individuality, as a way of making you aware that she likes you. She is always positive and kind, and soft in her choice of words.

I guess that sounds nice. It sounds weird how you phrase it as her making you aware that she likes you. I don't like when women over-calibrate their behavior (actually, that goes for anyone). But if she is being true to how she feels, that's nice.

If you are depressed, annoyed, tired, or cross, she'll take you to a quiet space and sit down with you. She encourages you to talk about it, and stays silently listening. She doesn't like you to be bleak or pessimistic, or grumpy. When you off-load your pain or grumpiness, she will make small noises of encouragement or consolation, reminding you she really likes you and wants you to feel understood and safe in her company.

::pukes::

If there's anything she can do to make you feel comfortable, and take away any spikey, harsh, cutting edges, she'll do it. A cup of tea, a healthy sandwich, anything you like, and she will do her best to provide.

I like the service, that's awesome. Sometimes just gotta let me be with my spikiness, though.

She hates harsh words, loudness, pain, arguments, difficulties, or complexities. All that stuff makes life too hard, and all that seems utterly unnecessary to have a high quality of life. She prefers things to be honest, straightforward, simple and clear - so she encourages you to forget about any difficulties. She wants life to be easy, fun, enjoyable, simple, and natural.

HA! I'm pretty sure that a no-drama woman wouldn't be very attractive to me. I'd think she'd be a man otherwise. So long as the subject of the drama is not me, and she has other friends where she vents most of it, everything will be OK. (Until it's not).

She loves most when you're relaxed, or happy - when you're inspired and floating and simple-minded. She wants you to be happy, and that is what makes her happy. She doesn't want you to focus so much on her, but only for you to be happy, because that is what makes her happy.

Not sure about the first sentence, as in, is this her dream or my dream? The rest sounds nice.

If your passion is something challenging and difficult, but exciting, she'll encourage you to go for it, and indulge in that - so long as you come back relaxed and ready to float with her. She'll even play with you at that challenging game, but only to the level where she feels you are enjoying it together. So she discourages you from trying to compete with her genuinely, and reminds you gently that she is only participating because she wants to share time with you - to be with you and make you happy.

I'm not particularly keen on directly sharing my business life with women, if that's what you mean by passion and challenge. Women are my time AWAY from that. I'm also not a big fan of encouragement, though there are exceptions. I'm not sure what the word is, maybe something close to placating, but generally it makes me feel weird when someone thinks I need it.

Again, if it's just a genuine feel of appreciation on their part, that's totally different.

If you ask her to be something substantial and individual, independent and concrete in herself, with differing opinions, someone who does not care for you or any of your interests, or your welfare, the magic will die. The perfect woman is all about you.

Agree about the part of not caring about me or my welfare. But disagree about the first part. If a woman doesn't have different opinions, feelings and approaches than me, then she's more likely to be a man. The question is whether she feels OK submitting to my lead regardless.

[cousinbasil]

If there's anything she can do to make you feel comfortable, and take away any spikey, harsh, cutting edges, she'll do it. A cup of tea, a healthy sandwich, anything you like, and she will do her best to provide.

I like the service, that's awesome. Sometimes just gotta let me be with my spikiness, though.

She'll have to do peanut butter and broccoli, though...

[mensa-maniac]

I think Kelly understands herself well, and knows what she desires.

Your post is beautiful Kelly, I saw you throughout the whole post.

Are you lesbian Kelly as what's his name mentions? And if so are you the male or female? Forgive me for asking but I'm curious. My sister had the audacity to be lesbian with her ex-husbands sister, I have to wonder if she did that to get even with him.

If I were lesbian I'd be the male, dominant, but easy to get along with, but I'd never be a lesbian, not inclined to be. But, I think I could easily live with a woman and love a woman, but not be sexually attracted to her, although she is beautiful. I think many people become attracted to their own sex then experiment sexually with each other and later on embarrassed by their actions.

If lesbians are inclined to be lesbian because of DNA chemical imbalance or whatever, then they cannot control their genetic tendencies. But, someone straight as an arrow could regret wayward actions.

Today's society is so she and she and he and he and threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes etc. etc. the whole world is getting out-of-hand. Filth and corruption reigns humanity.

However, where there is love, there is a show of it there too! In other words love is a continuation of display of actions or words.

[David Quinn]

My understanding is that Kelly has been hetrosexual in the past and is now deliberately asexual. It seems to me that her piece above is intended to apply to all kinds of relationships - not just hetrosexual or lesbian, but also platonic friendships and casual acquaintances, and even first meetings with strangers.

Skip, as is his want, immediately assumed it was solely about sexual relationships. :) Given that she barely mentions the role that sexual tension plays, I'd say that she was intending to make a more general point about our ego's need to be constantly stroked and pampered and how we use, and have historically bred, women to serve that purpose.

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[mensa-maniac]

My understanding is that Kelly has been hetrosexual in the past and is now deliberately asexual. It seems to me that her piece above is intended to apply to all kinds of relationships - not just hetrosexual or lesbian, but also platonic friendships and casual acquaintances, and even first meetings with strangers.

Skip, as is his want, immediately assumed it was soley about sexual relationships. :) Given that she barely mentions the role that sexual tension plays, I'd say that she was intending to make a more general point about our ego's need to be constantly stroked and pampered and how we use, and have historically bred, women to serve that purpose.

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Mensa says: Kelly is definately a diamond in the rough!

Mensa says: Historically bred ok, perhaps some, (for order purposes) but it is womens natural tendency to constantly stroke and pamper those she feels needs her, for it is her tendency to be needed!

Also, it brings me to assume that lesbianism could work out between two intelligent we minded women considering the girls think me me me, while the women think we. The masculine woman would automatically be more malish than female, but would still understand the femininity of his partner being somewhat female himself, and the feminine would automatically pamper and dote over him because of his masculine tendencies which she can relate with too because of her feminine/masculine traits as well.

[Kunga]

Kelly was simply mocking what she considers a feminine woman....she's programed like a robot. No soul. No personality. No zits. Just tits.

[David Quinn]

I think she is starting to break away from the robotic stage, but time will tell ...

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[David Quinn]

Mensa says: Historically bred ok, perhaps some, (for order purposes) but it is womens natural tendency to constantly stroke and pamper those she feels needs her, for it is her tendency to be needed!

Which has been bred.

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[Diebert van Rhijn]

Hi Kelly, I'm trying to figure out if this is your lesbian fantasy or if you are just saying this in general.

Classic Skip!

I think Kelly's description shows indeed it's a woman here doing the idealizing of the feminine, a masculine woman but it's still fundamentally different from what a man would dream.

If one really wants to generalize this dreaming about a perfect woman (or partner), one needs to understand the ideal contains a lot of fluent qualities, which could materialize many possible dream variants. The ones Kelly is listing seem to be just a reversal from her own, like some overly nursing, ego-stroking, available shadow, ready to trail a husband.

In cases the ideal of the female body or psyche becomes religious to men a few elements stand out: interchangeability, spontaneity (or mystery) and seductiveness. The first term contains a lot of interesting notions but for now it has to be given "as is".

Perhaps it's better not to try to understand what exactly makes the image look perfect, but to see how the idea of perfection is tied up with the dream, the forward looking idea and especially the expectation. The whole art of seduction is tied up with a future event, this setting up of a multi-layered expectation and to maneuver into this free-fall situation after the needed preparation. Seducer and seduced always work together on this, consciously or not.

The image can only become closer to perfection by placing her in the future, inside the dream, inside the latest centerfold - which requires her to be "flexible" and moldable of course. The more this experience shifts to the more solid and rigid past, where the genes triumph, the less of this perfection is left. This is why the dynamic changes so much after the chase and conquest has finished. It's important for the image to remain unavailable and uncaptured to some extent, to keep the drive toward a perfection possible.