Ryan,
It's hard to know precisely where you're coming from, but I'll go with a hunch and say, one shouldn't really worry about gaining the
experience of enlightenment, or attaining a level where manifestations of ego are mostly gone. It's a lifelong endeavour, and one just goes as far as one is caused to go, which also happens to depend on how much effort one puts into it.
Hakuin often has helpful things to say to kickstart things:
Only a few hundred yards from here is a beach. Suppose that someone is bothered because he has never experienced the taste of sea water and decides to sample it for himself. He sets out for the beach but before he has gone a hundred paces he stops and comes back; then he starts out again but this time he returns after he has taken only ten steps. He will never know the taste of sea water that way, will he? But if he keeps going straight ahead without turning back, it doesn't even matter if he lives far inland in a landlocked province such as Shinano, Kai, Hida, or Mino, he will still eventually reach the sea. Then, by dipping his finger in the water and tasting it, he will know in an instant what sea water tastes like the world over, because it is of course the same everywhere, in India, China, the great southern sea or the great northern sea.
Those Dharma patricians who explore the secret depths are like this too. They go straight forward, boring into their own minds with unbroken effort, never letting up or retreating. Then the breakthrough suddenly comes, and with that they penetrate their own nature, the natures of others, the nature of sentient beings, the nature of the evil passions and of enlightenment, the nature of the Buddha nature, the god nature, the Bodhisattva nature, the sentient being nature, the non-sentient being nature, the craving ghost nature, the contentious spirit nature, the beast nature - they are all of them seen in a single instant of thought. The great matter of their religious quest is thus completely and utterly resolved. There is nothing left. They are free of birth and death. What a thrilling moment it is!
It's exactly the same idea expressed, in many ways, by Kevin:
Push On!
Don't side step, push-on! Don't stop for a rest, push-on!
A marathon runner knows it is better to decrease the tempo, yet maintain a steady pace and momentum, than to be stopping and starting. Never refrain from the battle for a moment: be a foe-destroyer. Begin by cutting down the forest of desires (gross delusions), and then the undergrowth (the subtle delusions) . . . then! . . .
Consecrate yourselves earnestly to your work, for even little drops of water, falling ceaselessly will finally make a hole, even in a rock. - Buddha
The practice of the Way is like making fire by friction. The essential thing as you rub wood against stone is to apply continuous all-out effort. If you stop when you see the first trace of smoke, you will never get even a flicker of fire, even though you may rub away for a thousand years.
Encourage the children
Some know much, but not enough for joy. They know what is false, but not what is true. They seek truth, but not perfection. They sacrifice much, but not their suffering. They give much, but not their life. They love truth, but will not become that love.
I tell you, the children must be encouraged. If you tell them "nobody is perfect" they will not seek perfection. If you tell them that some things cannot be known, they will not try to know them. If you tell them they must be human, they will remain human. I beg of you, my brothers and sisters, give me a Superman!
When a child thinks they have reached the pinnacle, in academia or in sport, then show them where they stand in relation to the eternal - thus encouraging them onwards. If you let them settle with grand ideas of themselves they will resent you later on. For there will be a rude awakening, and they will be ill-equipped to cope with it. But point to the horizon, and urge them forth, and their humility alone will be sufficient to forge a path and propel them along it.
So just make sure you teach by example and seek only the supreme joy of wisdom. Do you have it in you to pass-up the joys of talent? Oh how success cripples!
Joy
The joyful wisdom is not achieved through controlling lust. Lust itself vanishes with even a single breath of the true joyful wisdom.
"If you can harmonize and delight in all things, master them and never be at a loss for joy, if you can do this day and night without a break and make it be spring with everything, mingling with all and creating the moment within your own mind - this is what I call being whole in power." - Chuang Tzu
It is said to be important to train the mind in concentration. Yet I say to you, train yourself to love the truth with all your heart! Then you will have no need of concentration, for the mind sticks inseparably and quite naturally to whatever it truly loves. If you find joy in a lover, then nothing can distract you from thinking about your lover. Likewise, if you love God, then you will not allow God to leave. It is not enough to love concentration, for then you will be forever focused on concentration, and will forget God.
You see, concentration by itself brings happiness, but not Truth; whereas love of Truth brings both concentration and Truth without effort. Love is warm, while concentration is cold by comparison. Concentration must become effortless, as it only can with love. So be wary of training, for you do not need to train yourself to eat lovely chocolate!
Enjoying dreams
Practice enjoying dreams, in the knowlege that they are not real and cannot harm you. In this way, you can come to an idea of how the dream of waking life is to be enjoyed (though in an infinitely purer sense).
Life is a dream - sharpen it up! Enjoy it with the joy of wisdom. If your eyes become tired and deflated then pump them up again with love of Truth.
Occasionally, Kevin comes up to my place. Sometimes he goes for a drive, exploring the area, and invites me along. If it's been a long day, and he doesn't have to head south immediately, he stays overnight, sleeping on the floor in the bedsit. He brings his own foam mattress for such emergencies. One such morning, when we'd both awoken, I asked him about his experience of dreams, and how he deals with the karma that has seeped into the unguarded mind overnight. He said much the same as the above: he enjoys dreams.
A couple of faves from Kierkegaard:
Truth is not something you can appropriate easily and quickly. You certainly cannot sleep or dream yourself into the truth. No, you must be tried, do battle, and suffer if you are to acquire truth for yourself. It is a sheer illusion to think that in relation to truth there is an abridgment, a short cut that dispenses with the necessity of struggling for it. With respect to acquiring truth to live by, every generation and every individual essentially begin from the beginning.
[Included that for the joke about enjoying "dreams", and "dreaming oneself into the truth".]
Some birds take off quietly and neatly from the branch on which they are perching and ascend heavenward in their flight, proudly, boldly. Others, like crows, for example, make a big fuss when they are about to fly. They lift one foot and then promptly grab on again, and no flight takes place.
Truth has always had many loud proclaimers, but the question is whether a person will in the deepest sense acknowledge the truth, allow it to permeate his whole being, accept all its consequences, and not have an emergency hiding place for himself and a Judas kiss for the consequence.
Fluctuations - karma - emotions - etc. are not something to worry about. Just note them, seeing them as a sign of something to work on, and move on. One just does what one can.
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