The Woman's World

[Animus]

And men get angry when you are doing a critical analysis of their behavior.

Not in my experience. I find men surprisingly magnanimous about such things, so long as the analysis isn't too far off base in their perception. There's a sort of critical point where they perceive the analysis as unjust (in its actual content) and that may anger them. Your statement about there being "sick puppies" here a case in point.

men get angry with what they perceive as errant or unjust criticism; women get angry at criticism, per se.

Ok...here's a good one : Why do men get angry when women ask them if they know how to get from point A to point B ?
(When driving in the car)

The guy i live with drives me crazy because he'll go 50 miles out of the way to avoid traffic & stop signs. He could of gotten there in 5 minutes going straight through town. If i questioned him as to why the hell are you going this way for...he would get very angry that i didn't trust his judgement.
So i kept my mouth shut during the whole drive...cause i didn't want to start an argument with him in the car....and then when we got to our destination safely...i asked him why the hell did you go that way when we would of been here in 5 minutes going the other way ? He explained he wanted to advoid traffic (it's faster on the hyway) & all the stopsigns ....(note: he drives for a living, and thinks of himself as a professional driver, so I would be insulting his intelligence by questioning him...)

Honestly, it sounds more like you are being condescending and disrespectful of his professional skill. To ask "Why the hell..." is a condescending attitude. I don't know, to me; "Why did you choose to take this route?" and "Why the hell did you go this way?" seem to carry different emotional connotations. Maybe your friend isn't upset about your question, but your attitude. On the one hand, you are respectful of his expertise and ask the question for your own enlightenment, on the other hand you are condescending, and ask the question out of frustration and a sense of superiority. My roommate is a female, and I always tell her, I'm not upset about your questions, your routines or your criticisms. I only get upset when you are upset. But she doesn't see the correlation. She is perpetually upset when things don't go her way, her face turns red, her brows and cheeks lower, her feet get heavier and she stops looking people in the face. That is how I know she is upset, and then I ask; What's wrong? and she says "Nothing", and I say "Clearly you are upset" and she snaps back "I'm not upset", and I say "You are lieing" and then she blows up pouring out her frustration onto me. I enjoy cooking dinner, but admittedly I'm not very good at it, and she is a pretty good cook. I like to make Fetuccini Alfredo with Chicken, its something I used to cook for myself a lot. But as soon as I begin the process of preparing a meal, she wanders in to criticize me, she'll say "You don't want to start the sauce yet, because the chicken will take 15-20 minutes to cook and you haven't even boiled the water for pasta yet." I say "Oh ok, I'll turn it off then, please let me know when you think is an appropriate time to start the sauce." then I leave it to her to oversee the process, but she gets mad that I'm not able to do it all myself. When in-fact, I am, I just don't care to make a big deal out of it. In the end, we had to wait an additional 10-15 minutes for the alfredo sauce....

In a study performed in London, England, researchers found that Taxi drivers' brains were denser in the region of the pareital lobes, a region that is involved in spatial-temporal coordination and planning. A similar effect is observed in mice made to run in mazes, compared to mice who are just placed in a box. This indicates that people who drive/navigate for a living, are superior with respect to navigation. Maybe your friend's route was faster for some reason you are unable to conceive.

Ok, I won't say that women are feminine. That can't be true, apparently, even as a generalization.

No...not all women are feminine ! I'm not THAT feminine. i think many of you guys still think of woman as a mysterious thing....you don't really know us because of all your preconcieved images of what a woman is in your mind.[/quote]

I dunno, I grew up after '81, post-feminism and I was indoctrinated into the feminist ethos. At school we were constantly told the same soundbyte wisdom that pervaded the media. My current view of men and women is actually outside of my "preconceived" notions.

[Animus]

However shouting that genders are equal doesn't make them so. women are not rational, why should they be.
"Why shouldn't a woman not have the right to dress in a bikini, be drunk and walk around in any street at 3 a.m.
Why do men rape? "

Exactly where is this street that women are walking around drunk at 3AM in their bikinis...?

Take a look around London, Ontario, East of Adelaide, near Dundas and Edmonton St.

I was once walking home after work, and was approached by a young girl, she must have been 16 or 17. She was accompanied by two teenage boys. She saw that I was smoking a cigarette, approached me, undid her shirt, exposed her breasts to me and asked for a cigarette. In return, she said, I could play with her tits.

At any rate, I don't mess around with minors, or women who are so quick to expose themselves. But the example is there. This area of London is also heavy with prostitution

Edit: work ends for me at midnight, and I usually hang around for 15-20 minutes after I'm off the clock, so I probably ran into this under-age half-naked girl at around 12:30 AM. But it's not the first time I've seen topless young girls parading about the street after the sun goes down.

[Kunga]

Animus...maybe i didn't use the word "hell" i don't know...all i do know is that it was very hard for me to keep my mouth shut the whole time when i was extreamely pissed about the route he was taking...and when we finally got to the destination i was ready to blow...he's done this many many times before (taken a route that circumabulates the whole city before we get there...whereas when i drive i like to go the shortest route, as driving in traffic & stop signs do not irritate me...and i like driving slow and taking my time...whereas he is always in a hurry (his job is like that too naturally)...he prefers the hi-ways....i'd rather drive through town....but yeah...i am condensending to him a lot...maybe because he's that way towards me too sometimes....especially when it comes to driving (guys think they drive better, right ? )

When it comes to cooking i leave him alone...he's a great cook (not everything) but he has some fantastic dishes he can do..when i watch how he does it though it drives me crazy...so i just leave him alone....for instance..he never washes the vegetables when he's preparing something...i always wash everything....so the less i know the better...

BTW...the first thing he ever cooked for me was Fettuccini Alfredo...it was the best i ever had in my life !!!

Another BTW : I have no sense of direction, and i know only a few limited routes to get from point A > B .....he knows how to get anywhere multiple ways....but it still drives me nuts how he (seeminly to me) goes way out of the way to get to a simple destination that i would of taken a shorter route through town instead of ....you get the idea now....

I like being independant...but when we are together everything has to be his way...i love being by myself because then i can do it my way....Ha Ha....Oy Vey.....

[namae nanka]

Seek and you shall find.
First two here, debauchery ahead:
http://www.berro.com/motivational/reaso ... people.htm

this one tells us that it's very possible if you try hard enough:
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/01/02 ... st-utopia/

[Animus]

Animus...maybe i didn't use the word "hell" i don't know...all i do know is that it was very hard for me to keep my mouth shut the whole time when i was extreamely pissed about the route he was taking...and when we finally got to the destination i was ready to blow...he's done this many many times before (taken a route that circumabulates the whole city before we get there...whereas when i drive i like to go the shortest route, as driving in traffic & stop signs do not irritate me...and i like driving slow and taking my time...whereas he is always in a hurry (his job is like that too naturally)...he prefers the hi-ways....i'd rather drive through town....but yeah...i am condensending to him a lot...maybe because he's that way towards me too sometimes....especially when it comes to driving (guys think they drive better, right ? )

When it comes to cooking i leave him alone...he's a great cook (not everything) but he has some fantastic dishes he can do..when i watch how he does it though it drives me crazy...so i just leave him alone....for instance..he never washes the vegetables when he's preparing something...i always wash everything....so the less i know the better...

BTW...the first thing he ever cooked for me was Fettuccini Alfredo...it was the best i ever had in my life !!!

It's really hard to hide frustration, anger, or a condescending attitude. It's the fact that you have that attitude and not precisely whether or not you used the word "hell". You could say "Why did you choose to take this route?" with the same condescension and get the same result.

Now, I do notice major differences in men and women on average. The roommate has been driving this '91 Acclaim and she hasn't been maintaining it. I've pointed out a few things, for example I said "It looks like your front driver's tire is bulging, which as I understand it is not good for your traction, gas mileage and increases the risk of a blow-out. Apparently this can be caused by over-filling or under-filling the tire, the results from both look similar and looks like that bulging we see there. I wonder if its because that tire is mismatched from the rest, it's maximum pressure written on the side-wall of the tire is 44PSI, while the rest are 35. If during filling all are being filled to 35, then that tire might be low." I constantly disclaim that I'm not a mechanic and only know what my studies have suggested to me, and perhaps that is why she finds it so easy to disregard my statements about vehicle safety. She claims that the car was inspected and passed under its current condition, but local law, as far as I know, prohibits mismatched tires. I work for an automotive company, and all the gear heads here seem to reflect what I've said about the tires. Its not that surprising that she doesn't double-check my statements, but it is surprising when she gets defensive about it. Its like she doesn't want to be responsible for maintaining the car, I haven't seen her put fluid in it once, I've been doing it out of concern, and when I bring up maintenance issues she gets defensive.

My roommate knows virtually nothing about automobiles, so it's even more surprising that she would be so defensive. Recently a co-worker and I both purchased Gio 500W Electric Bicycles. They are basically like scooters or mopeds that are limited to 35 KM/H, they are battery operated, but serve both of us to get to work. We talk about maintaining them sometimes at work, and recently I ran into a gentleman who owned and maintained one for over a year. He was driving by while I was inspecting the front wheel, he pulled over to tell me, out of kindness, that the battery was not maintenance free. He said that because it is a lead acid battery, like those used in forklifts, one needed to occasionally add distilled water to it. I remember from working in a plastics factory that the forklift technicians frequently filled the batteries on the forklifts with water. So at this point I was relatively confident in what the gentleman was telling me. However, when I restated this to my co-workers later on, one of them, an automotive engineer, said "I've never heard of that, I've never heard of adding water to any batteries." "That may be so," I said "but I have heard of it, when I worked in factories the battery-powered forklifts were in constant need of re-watering." His response was non-vocal, a slight smile and raising of the eye-brows preceded a "huh" sound. At this point the conversation was over. No sobbing, no defensive compensation for a bruised ego, nothing but to indicate that he hadn't closed the book on it, but was skeptical of my claim. I fully respect his expertise as an automotive engineer, and I didn't have a condescending tone in my voice when I said that I'd heard of putting water in lead acid batteries before, I simply stated it from experience. I have the same attitude towards my roommates vehicle maintenance, and she is not an automotive engineer, mechanic or anything, she can barely find the radiator cap. But the offense she takes at my statements! It's as if she feels like I'm attacking her simply because I suggested her vehicle wasn't being properly maintained and was at risk of failure. Last time I said something was odd about the transmission, it ended up cracking open, spilling transmission fluid over the road and making the vehicle motionless. $500 later a bent axle was straightened out and the transmission welded together, and then.... she insisted I pay for some of the repairs for the once a day I was driving it to and from work. Who would ever think to hold someone financially responsible for repairs which may not have even been necessary if their warnings were taken seriously?

[Animus]

Also, I think "circumnavigate" was the word you were looking for.

I got annoyed with a driver once. We were travelling 3-4 hours north to Orillia for a short 2 day stay on the weekend. Time was an issue, because with work schedules it ended up being only 1 1/2 days. The driver insisted on taking the "back roads" north, but I suggested that it would take much much longer. The driver said she was afraid of the traffic on the highway 400 and 401, she said she'd feel safer going the long way. At this point, I felt the need to point out that the alternative route she had planned consisted of densely-populated residential areas with maximum speed limits of 50 KM/H instead of 100 KM/H like the highway, and that the roads were ill-maintained and visibility was low due to surrounding forest. What would otherwise be a relatively straight run on a 4-lane highway with excellent visibility, would become a lengthy snaking through the forest roads at half the speed and with much less visibility and ill-maintained roads. She still insisted that we take the "back roads" but discovered along the way that it really isn't safer and is quite a bit scarier if you are paranoid about driving. By the end of it, it took us over 7 hours to get to our destination.

By the way, there is innate neuroanatomical differences in the brains of male and female infants. The parietal regions employed in spatio-temporal reasoning are denser in the male infant brain. Providing biological evidence for why women tend to be shittier drivers.

[Animus]

Ironically, my warning to her about the transmission was that the engine was surging while idling, and that at the top-end of the first gear it starts to surge again. I've been told this is the result of inadequate pressurization of the transmission, that the fluid gets pumped into a space between two gears, the first gear sets the fluid in motion, which in-turn starts the second gear spinning, so that no gears actually touch each other in this configuration, but the fluid under pressure acts as the medium. The surging at idle or at the threshold of the first gear, indicates a loss of pressure from a crack, fracture or leak. It was only a matter of time then before we found a puddle of transmission fluid under the car and a dead car. Since the car has been repaired I've noticed the same behavior the few times I have driven the vehicle. She says she doesn't notice it, but then I've noticed that when she drives she pushes quite rapidly on the gas pedal and almost never attempts to maintain a constant speed, whereas, when I drive I'm relatively slow to accelerate and like to maintain a constant speed, sometimes that speed is around 40 KM/H in residential areas, and this is when I notice the engine surging a lot. I've mentioned this to her twice, once in passing, and she seems to have disregarded it, so I'm not going to mention it again, and I rarely drive the thing now that I have the e-bike.

Most people in this city would drive 60 KM/H in residential areas, but as a childhood victim of irresponsible driving, I try diligently to be a safe driver.

[cousinbasil]

This is what shocked me:

New Zealand is the progressive capital of the Anglosphere

Is it considered so? Dan or Kevin?

[Dan Rowden]

Not by me. Most Kiwis are in Australia now anyway!

[cousinbasil]

Not by me. Most Kiwis are in Australia now anyway!

Thanks for the reply, Dan.

However, I am from the USA, and so had to look it up:
(kiwi)
▸ noun: a native or inhabitant of New Zealand

[Dan Rowden]

Oops, sorry for the antipodean colloquialism. I shouldn't expect you Septic Tanks to understand such a reference.

[Kunga]

Animus...

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/circumambulate

There are "shitty" men drivers also . I do everything for my car( I take it regularly for oil changes & whatever needs to be done)...i've had it since 2004. Never have had any problems with it .(2004 VW Jetta). I make the car payments.(I leased it for the first 3 years)... I pay my own insurance. The girl your with sounds very immature.

oh...and i check the oil & put it in myself (big deal).

[Animus]

Animus...

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/circumambulate

There are "shitty" men drivers also . I do everything for my car( I take it regularly for oil changes & whatever needs to be done)...i've had it since 2004. Never have had any problems with it .(2004 VW Jetta). I make the car payments.(I leased it for the first 3 years)... I pay my own insurance. The girl your with sounds very immature.

oh...and i check the oil & put it in myself (big deal).

You've had a brand new car for 6 years? Maintenance needs to be done, but you are less likely to see the fallout from not doing it with a brand new car. She is immature with respect to such things, but from another angle she isn't, her perspectivalness is interesting and more mature than your average woman. Although, she regards "menoftheinfinite" as essentially misogynistic, she is reluctant to actually say that to me, although she has accused me of harboring some angst towards women, probably because I do find "menoftheinfinite" insightful with regard to women. And on that analysis, she is basically like every other woman, with the obvious exceptions.

[Animus]

Animus...

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/circumambulate

There are "shitty" men drivers also . I do everything for my car( I take it regularly for oil changes & whatever needs to be done)...i've had it since 2004. Never have had any problems with it .(2004 VW Jetta). I make the car payments.(I leased it for the first 3 years)... I pay my own insurance. The girl your with sounds very immature.

oh...and i check the oil & put it in myself (big deal).

There are shitty male drivers, and there are women who drive monster trucks quite well, but we aren't here to talk about the absolute fringe of any demographic.

[Kunga]

You've had a brand new car for 6 years?

You mean i've been making car payments for the past 6 years ? Yes
I leased it for the first 3. Then i decided to purchase it . So another 3 years ...i have 20 more payments left. (I know ....)
I was attached to the damn thing.

[Kelly Jones]

What is it?

Your neighbour is yourself?

Real 'freedom' then, is not relative, it does not come and go, because that is only relative to the amount of slavery in our lives. It is in a sense not freedom at all, but just 'being' without anything added ontop of it. Being free from samsara then, is not freedom as one might think, but is pure, so calling nirvana freedom wouldn't be right.

Freedom is still a dualistic concept, it is something relative to that which one is free of, though not neccesarily attachment, but anything at all. I think Kelly thinks that freedom from desire is the freedom that stands out the most, though.

It's like using the word "Infinite" to give contrast to "finite", or "ultimate truth" to contrast with "logical truth". The aim is to use words to point to everything, and to go beyond any particular words, into the meaning of everything: the nature of One.


...

[Kelly Jones]

I do everything for my car( I take it regularly for oil changes & whatever needs to be done)...

If a guy says, "I do everything for my car", it is highly likely to mean he does everything himself. He doesn't need to use a mechanic. If a woman says it, it means "I arrange for everything to be done for my car by someone else". Women don't build cars up from old parts, for the sheer love of it.

The funny thing I noticed about Mike Rowe's "Dirty Jobs" recently, is that his jobs are all pretty standard jobs for men. Almost all men's jobs are "messy" or "unhygienic" in some way.


...

[Kunga]

Kelly....yes that's true...i often thought about taking a class on car mechanics/maintanence...but never got around to it. But i'm not afraid of getting dirty.

BTW...do you EVER have anything positive to say about women ?

[Animus]

I do everything for my car( I take it regularly for oil changes & whatever needs to be done)...

If a guy says, "I do everything for my car", it is highly likely to mean he does everything himself. He doesn't need to use a mechanic. If a woman says it, it means "I arrange for everything to be done for my car by someone else". Women don't build cars up from old parts, for the sheer love of it.

The funny thing I noticed about Mike Rowe's "Dirty Jobs" recently, is that his jobs are all pretty standard jobs for men. Almost all men's jobs are "messy" or "unhygienic" in some way.


...

That's a good point, although I've said I'm not a mechanic, it doesn't mean I haven't studied mechanics a bit in my spare time, and I do so for a multitude of reasons, personal mastery, curiosity, love of knowledge and the sheer joy of accomplishing things myself.

For this same reason, I've studied just about everything under the sun.

Which raises an interesting inquiry for me. I've been tossing around philosophical concepts with my roommate for years, and she never seems to get excited about any of the ground-breaking insights I bring to the table. However, she always has something fascinating to tell me, that someone else has told her. She says "Well, I don't need to get excited about something you tell me, you are already excited and it would just be a rub for your ego." but to my mind, one should get excited about stuff that that is exciting in its own right, and not worry about whether or not others find it so, or whether or not it is socially appropriate. Beyond that, I figure, if properly understood, how could philosophy not drastically alter one's perception and become somewhat of an obsession. Based on that view, I find it difficult to accept that she really understands anything I say to her. Then, one day I said "I don't think you are really listening, or you aren't understanding." and she said "I listen to you preach all the time." and I replied with "Oh, so, why don't you tell me what is so important about Aristotle's Law of Identity?" to which she replied "That is A=A" and I said "I know that, but that is just another way of restating the same law, what does it indicate? What is the importance of it? Why do I talk about it at length?" and she was speechless, unable to state any importance or significance.

[Kelly Jones]

i often thought about taking a class on car mechanics/maintanence

There again. Taking a class? There are oodles of information on the internet, and in books.

BTW...do you EVER have anything positive to say about women ?

You are accusing me of a blanket approach, when it is yourself who is guilty of this. I think there are some quality moments in the writings of Camille Paglia, Celia Green, Suzanne Hindmarsh, and Ayn Rand, and have promoted all of them this year. Of course, I don't see those moments as womanly. As soon as there are womanish elements, like wanting to flaunt their sexuality (Paglia), or an erotic worship of masculinity (Rand), the quality goes down and is not much different to Woman's Day. Paglia and Rand are worse than the other two in this respect.


...

[Kelly Jones]

That's a good point, although I've said I'm not a mechanic, it doesn't mean I haven't studied mechanics a bit in my spare time, and I do so for a multitude of reasons, personal mastery, curiosity, love of knowledge and the sheer joy of accomplishing things myself.

This reminds me that the main character, Guido, in "Young Archimedes," was neither a musician nor a mathematician, but an "ordinary" genius. Someone who can see the principles in just about anything. It's precisely why men are closer to genius, in their ability to understand the principles of any job or discipline. When they have trouble with something, it is usually because what they're being told is wrong. For instance, I was watching videos by a man teaching French, and he explained the infinitive form of a verb as "neutral". That is, without any tense. But this is wrong, and I believe he was just repeating something he had learnt, although he was close to the idea. The infinitive is eternal and timeless, without past, present, or future.

For this same reason, I've studied just about everything under the sun.

Which raises an interesting inquiry for me. I've been tossing around philosophical concepts with my roommate for years, and she never seems to get excited about any of the ground-breaking insights I bring to the table. However, she always has something fascinating to tell me, that someone else has told her. She says "Well, I don't need to get excited about something you tell me, you are already excited and it would just be a rub for your ego." but to my mind, one should get excited about stuff that that is exciting in its own right, and not worry about whether or not others find it so, or whether or not it is socially appropriate. Beyond that, I figure, if properly understood, how could philosophy not drastically alter one's perception and become somewhat of an obsession. Based on that view, I find it difficult to accept that she really understands anything I say to her. Then, one day I said "I don't think you are really listening, or you aren't understanding." and she said "I listen to you preach all the time." and I replied with "Oh, so, why don't you tell me what is so important about Aristotle's Law of Identity?" to which she replied "That is A=A" and I said "I know that, but that is just another way of restating the same law, what does it indicate? What is the importance of it? Why do I talk about it at length?" and she was speechless, unable to state any importance or significance.

The interesting part in this description, I find, is that your female acquaintance sees interpersonal interaction as the central domain of the various discussions you have together. She believes the highest achievement of the philosophical interaction is to be detached from ego-rubbing. So it reveals two things: firstly, she doesn't understand non-attachment at all (since she is suppressing her ego), and, secondly, she doesn't recognise that interaction is not interaction per se, but about the dynamics of education through developing ideas.

Weininger said that the feminine mind couldn't distinguish between character and elements, the psychological and the objective. For woman, everything is seen as existing only for her. She has the Midas touch, turning everything into Woman.


...

[Animus]

To follow up on the statements I made about car tires, it has been brought to my attention, if the steel straps embedded in the side-wall of tire are broken, the tire will lose structural integrity in that area and bulging will occur. If this happens, the tire will make a *fap* sound as it rotates and the wheel assembly will shake. I've noticed both of these phenomena occurring in the vehicle. Apparently, while this is the case, the tire is at risk of explosive decompression, and causing more damage to the shocks and axle, which could explain why the axle was bent. Anyway, just a follow so I'm not giving the wrong information about tires.

[Animus]

That's a good point, although I've said I'm not a mechanic, it doesn't mean I haven't studied mechanics a bit in my spare time, and I do so for a multitude of reasons, personal mastery, curiosity, love of knowledge and the sheer joy of accomplishing things myself.

This reminds me that the main character, Guido, in "Young Archimedes," was neither a musician nor a mathematician, but an "ordinary" genius. Someone who can see the principles in just about anything. It's precisely why men are closer to genius, in their ability to understand the principles of any job or discipline. When they have trouble with something, it is usually because what they're being told is wrong. For instance, I was watching videos by a man teaching French, and he explained the infinitive form of a verb as "neutral". That is, without any tense. But this is wrong, and I believe he was just repeating something he had learnt, although he was close to the idea. The infinitive is eternal and timeless, without past, present, or future.

For this same reason, I've studied just about everything under the sun.

Which raises an interesting inquiry for me. I've been tossing around philosophical concepts with my roommate for years, and she never seems to get excited about any of the ground-breaking insights I bring to the table. However, she always has something fascinating to tell me, that someone else has told her. She says "Well, I don't need to get excited about something you tell me, you are already excited and it would just be a rub for your ego." but to my mind, one should get excited about stuff that that is exciting in its own right, and not worry about whether or not others find it so, or whether or not it is socially appropriate. Beyond that, I figure, if properly understood, how could philosophy not drastically alter one's perception and become somewhat of an obsession. Based on that view, I find it difficult to accept that she really understands anything I say to her. Then, one day I said "I don't think you are really listening, or you aren't understanding." and she said "I listen to you preach all the time." and I replied with "Oh, so, why don't you tell me what is so important about Aristotle's Law of Identity?" to which she replied "That is A=A" and I said "I know that, but that is just another way of restating the same law, what does it indicate? What is the importance of it? Why do I talk about it at length?" and she was speechless, unable to state any importance or significance.

The interesting part in this description, I find, is that your female acquaintance sees interpersonal interaction as the central domain of the various discussions you have together. She believes the highest achievement of the philosophical interaction is to be detached from ego-rubbing. So it reveals two things: firstly, she doesn't understand non-attachment at all (since she is suppressing her ego), and, secondly, she doesn't recognise that interaction is not interaction per se, but about the dynamics of education through developing ideas.

Weininger said that the feminine mind couldn't distinguish between character and elements, the psychological and the objective. For woman, everything is seen as existing only for her. She has the Midas touch, turning everything into Woman.


...

She thinks it is to be detached from ego, but she has yet to really grasp what ego is. She is prone to bouts of self-pity, self-aggrandizement and pride. In fact, she frequently uses such emotional states, while claiming that they are using her. There is an externalization of her ailments, although in tongue she will claim the opposite. If she ever reads the things I've written about her here, she'll probably want to kill me. And she has read this board sometimes, but like I say, she doesn't really like it here, she may just read it to see what I'm up to. I've tried to directly engage her on the issues, but it has caused her only suffering and encouraged hatred toward me. I still maintain some vestige of hope for her, but maybe that's just my attachment and I should stop with her.

[Robert]

For instance, I was watching videos by a man teaching French, and he explained the infinitive form of a verb as "neutral". That is, without any tense. But this is wrong, and I believe he was just repeating something he had learnt, although he was close to the idea. The infinitive is eternal and timeless, without past, present, or future.

I think he was referring to neutral in the gender and singular/plural sense, since the infinitif is either present or past tense. The past form of the infinitif verb in French is formed with either one of two verbs - être (to be) or avoir (to have). Which means that the infinitif verb formed with avoir will always be neutral (which equates to masculine and singular in French), whereas the the infinitif verb formed with être will either be masculine or feminine, singular or plural, depending on the subject(s) it's referring to. I could give you some examples if you want.

[Kelly Jones]

Animus (or whatever your name is),

I think the best thing you could do for her is to stop interacting with her. You're really just pandering to her ego, and letting her use you.

The reason I say this is, as long as you keep interacting with her, she'll use your attentions, your life, your affirmation of her existence, to feed her desire for intimacy with you. Whatever kind of relationship it is, will be a sublimated eroticism. If she has any seeds of potential for enlightenment, your personal engagement, whether vis-a-vis or virtual, will be constantly suffocating those seeds owing to her deeply-instilled egotism.

But it's really your call. If you really think she has potential - and I'm not saying she has - and if you can see that your involvement with her doesn't get in the way of your own cause - then use her emotional attachment to your intellect and character as a carrot, and withdraw. Stay clear away from her, and see if she has the ability to propel herself forward by her own steam. If she can't, there's no loss. If she can, then there are many positive outcomes.

It reminds me a little of what happened with my interactions with Rhett Hamilton, about 8 years ago now. I had a lot of respect for Rhett's self-awareness, and dogged prioritisation of truthfulness. But I couldn't see where he was headed with it, as it didn't fit anywhere. He was the proverbial madman dancing on the horizon, not forcibly breaking down any walls, but not stifling his opinions either. I was interested in living as wholistically-ethically and self-reliantly as possible, but I couldn't make the immediate jump to philosophy. About 11 months after we met, I made up my mind to push onwards with my career in ecological architecture and habitat design. So I left the sharehouse (there were five housemates), moved interstate for an internship and to start graduate studies in architecture, and also started to delve within. At the end of the three-month internship, I was more than ready. It provided the necessary contrast and solitude - in a new city, among strange people - to work out my own path. I basically destroyed my "vita ante acte", as if my life to that point was meaningless. But of course, without Rhett quietly and firmly withdrawing - almost completely - from all interactions, I probably wouldn't have made the leap.

Again, I'm not saying your acquaintance has the capacity to go it alone, but unless you let her do it alone, we'll never know.

She will probably do everything she can to renew the relationship, when you break it. It's worth being careful.


...